The real kicker came
when Rocky told me he simply wasn't going to have any more children. The shock that went thru me was so powerful, I literally could not speak for hours. I went to my girlfriend's house, and spent the night there horrified at the turn my life had taken. All my life, I had wanted nothing more than to be a wife and a mother. Our relationship had already almost disappeared, and so apparently, had all my hopes for children. This new turn of events forced me out of myself long enough to take an interest in my life.
Where had all the love gone ?
That baby had been conceived in love. We had gone thru quite a topsy turvy relationship before deciding to marry and raise our son together. I firmly believed in marriage lasting forever. But I felt just as strongly in having babies. All of a sudden, I was being told I couldn't be both a wife and a mother. So my thoughts circled viciously as I wrestled with this new challenge. I had to make a decision and make it soon just to keep any shred of sanity: which did I want more? Should I stay with the man I loved so deeply and be just a wife? Or should I give him up--divorce him--in hopes that I would find another love with whom I would be able to have children? This was absolutely the hardest decision I had ever faced. It was easier deciding to pack away all the baby things after the funeral.
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